Flavia Pennetta: “My first match when I was 11 was very funny because I was so nervous on the court. And I went to the hospital, so [laughs]. (Why?) Not so good. I was down like 6-2 and so nervous and they bring me to the hospital.”

Andres Gomez: “I was playing doubles together with Ilie Nastase in Rome in ‘82, we were playing Tomas Smid and Pavel Slozil and Nastase keep talking to them and making fun of them. And they were like a top 5 doubles team. And he was like saying, You’re bad and he was trying to make fun of them to get them out of their game. And I remember he was throwing saw dust into Smid’s and Slozil’s heads on the changeovers. And they let it happen.”

Jamea Jackson: “Once at Wimbledon in the juniors I whiffed on a serve [laughs]. It was 2-0 in the second set and I couldn’t move I was so embarrassed.”

Sam Querrey: “I went back for a lob, my foot got caught back in the fence, on the concrete. And my shoe fell off. So I played the rest of the point with just like my sock on.”

Hugo Armando: “Playing junior Orange Bowl I saw a player moon another player. On Center Court at Orange Bowl. That I’ll never forget. It was Rodrigo Cerdaro, he did it to Nicolas Kiefer. I’m sure Kiefer still remembers that. And I saw Alex Corretja crack two racquets after winning a doubles title on the court. Just finished, won the title and just cracked ‘em on the floor. I don’t know what it was about but that was pretty funny.”

Kateryna Bondarenko: “In New Haven I tried to hit the overhead and I missed it, then I run around the ball and I hit it just like this (normal forehand), and we won that point actually.”

Jo-Wilfried Tsonga: “Against Ancic in Bercy, I serve a big serve and hit put his racquet out and the racquet broke at the middle. He was standing there with a broken racquet.”

Alexa Glatch: “The Orange Bowl when I was 13, there was a battle going on on one of the back courts against Michaela Krajicek and Neha Uberoi. And Krajicek just got really pissed off at her and flipped her off – right during the match [smiles]. It was hilarious. She said F you as well and it was pretty funny.”

Andre Sa: “There are so many. One time long ago I think in ‘98 in Kitzbuhel and I got mad at some line call and I went to the umpire, How can you not see that ball?! The mark is out? You can clearly see it. I was so upset I grabbed all my racquets and I broke them on the netpost. I had no more racquets to play. I had to borrow my coach’s racquets to finish the match. (Against who? Did you win?) Alex Calatrava. No. I’m gonna blame my coach and the racquets [smiles].”

Jamie Murray: “I can’t remember the players. One guy, he hit a shot and he disagreed with the umpire who overruled it. He went up to the umpire and asked, Do I get a code violation if I say something? And the umpire’s like, It depends what you say. And he goes, What if I think something. No, not if you think it. And he goes, Well, I think you’re a ******* idiot!”

Yung-Jan Chan: “We were playing in Thailand last year. The first time I hit her on volley but it’s not really hard. And I just say sorry and she say, Oh it’s okay. Then my teammate (Chia Jung Chuang) hit her again. And then she get angry. When she say sorry she get like angry. Then third time her partner hit her [laughs]. Because power serve and her partner just returned too late. Then (Chuang) just tell me, Don’t tell me she’s gonna hit herself [laughs]. After two points she comes to poach and she hit like not in the string but on the frame and ball hit her face. We were laughing but we can’t laugh too loud.”

Max Mirnyi: “The fifth set against Zib at the U.S. Open about eight years ago. When I totally ran out of my dry shorts and shirts. And I had to undress on the court and have the new sets of clothes sent up to me at the court.”

Richard Krajicek: “When I was six or seven I used to play tennis with my sister. She used to always beat me. She was 13. Then she played left-handed to make it fair, and she still beat me.”

Nicolas Lapentti: “I was playing a tournament in Lima, Peru (‘95). And my coach at the time was sitting up, up in the corner. And I hit a serve wide and it hit something in the wall, like a wire or something, and the ball went straight up and took off his baseball hat. The ball went completely up. It didn’t touch him, just took off his hat, a hat like your’s. Took it off. It was too much [smiles].”

Nicolas Kiefer: “When I was younger, in practice we used to run a lot for fitness. Once I did not want to run and I closed myself into a locker room closet. And so I didn’t run. After, they come back and pick me up [laughs].”

Robby Ginepri: “Doing a couple of skits on the court during practice with Mardy Fish a couple years ago in Cincinnati. We played baseline games and whoever lost had to do funny things on the court, sing, ‘I’m a little tea pot, short and stout…’ And there’s a ton of people there, and (we’re in) the middle of the court. And you had to do the motions. The other one was he had to bark like a dog and crawl around the court [smiles].”

Elena Dementieva: “I had a broken shoe I break playing in the Olympic Games. And I didn’t have another pair to replace it. And I was asking someone from the crowd to give me another pair. (Did someone give you the extra shoe?) Yeah, actually Natasha Zvereva gave it to me. She was watching and her shoe was I think two or three sizes bigger than mine. And I still won the match (d. Schett).”

Frank Dancevic: “I was nine, playing under 10 tournament. And I was beating a guy 6-0, we were playing an eight-game pro set. And he went in the corner, got on his knees and started praying. Nine-years-old, I’ll never forget that one [smiles]. The first match I ever played. There’s another. I actually knocked a guy’s coffee right out of his hand one time all over his white shirt. He wasn’t too happy about that. On the sidelines. Actually hit his coffee like dead on and splattered everywhere like a bomb. I caught a forehand a little late, skid off the line, it just bee-lined right at his coffee. He didn’t have time to react, it just hit it dead on.”

Gilles Simon: “I remember the penalty point when it was Marat Safin against Felix Mantilla in Roland Garros. Safin pulled his shorts down. I was on the court as a spectator. It was so very funny. I was sad though because Safin who I like very much, he was one of my tennis idols, I was sad because he had the penalty point and I think he didn’t deserve it.”

Darren Cahill: “I played a Davis Cup match with Yannick Noah against France and the tie was dead. And Yannick Noah ended up moonwalking between serves. And he called the ballboys out on the court. And he and I played against two ballboys during a Davis Cup dead rubber match. For me, that was the funniest and most embarrassing match of my career. It was great, the crowd loved it. He was a great entertainer. It’s on You Tube if you can track it down.”

It’s not blood lust or a taste for all night outings that motivate him, but a trace of Transylvanian tradition that comes to tennis in the form of Nicolas Massu, nicknamed “Vampiro” for his affinity for vampires. The winner of six career ATP singles titles including Buenos Aires, Amersfoort, Palermo, Kitzbuhel, Athens and Costa do Sauipe, Massu reached career high ATP singles ranking of No. 9 in 2004. Massu became a Chilean national hero when he swept Gold Medals in singles and doubles at the 2004 Athens Olympic Games. Massu and Gonzalez captured Chile’s first gold medal in the 108-year history of the modern Olympic Games with a 6-2, 4-6, 3-6, 7-6(7), 6-4 triumph over Germany’s Nicolas Kiefer and Rainer Schuettler in a taxing five-set match that ended at 2:30 a.m.. In a memorable climax to that match, the Chileans engaged in an emotional embrace and crashed to the court together. Gonzalez and Massu had cause for celebration. The pair fought off four match points trailing 2-6 in the fourth-set tiebreak then rallied from a 1-3 deficit in the decisive set by winning five of the final six games to seize one of their nation’s greatest sports victories in a three hour, 43-minute that offered tense, tenacious — and at times tremendous — tennis. Massu concluded that match collapsing on the court in Gonzalez’s arms in an emotional embrace and returned the next day to make another five-set stand and beat American Mardy Fish to strike gold in singles. In a stunning span of 24 hours in Athens, Massu captured consecutive gold medals for his country, roaring back to earn a 6-3, 3-6, 2-6, 6-3, 6-4 victory over Fish and the respect of all who watched as he completed an astounding sweep of both singles and doubles gold medals. “What he achieved back in Athens winning singles and doubles, it’s never going to happen again, you know,” World No. 1 Roger Federer said. Scoop Malinowski, whose Olympic experience was confined to teenage backyard boxing matches that saw him play the roles of both former U.S. Olympic boxers Michael and Leon Spinks (unlike Leon, Scoop has retained his front teeth despite his affinity for the sweet science), caught up with Massu recently for this Biofile interview.

Height/Weight: 6-feet, 177 pounds.

 Born On: October 10, 1979 in Vina del Mar, Chile.

Childhood Hero: “Rocky the movie [smiles].”

 Tennis Inspirations: “When I start when I was younger — Boris Becker and Muster. Those were my two.”

Hobbies/Leisure Activities: “I like to play soccer. To be with my friends, go out with my friends.”

Nicknames: Nico, Vampiro.

Favorite Movies: “Gladiator.”

Favorite TV Show: “The Simpsons is my favorite.”

Musical Tastes: “Spanish music, Ricky Martin.”

Early Tennis Memory: “The first time that I passed the top 100 in 1999. After winning Challenger in Santiago in November ‘99. Was doing good in Challengers, I won three Challengers. Then when I won my first ATP tournament in Buenos Aires (2002), I saved match points (in final against Calleri).”

Pre-Match Feeling: “All are different. Sometimes you’re nervous, sometimes not. Sometimes you are more confident, sometimes without confidence. Normally, a little bit nervous but not too much. Just depends on when I go out on the court to play.”

 Favorite Meal: “Pizza.”

Favorite Breakfast Cereal: “Everything.”

Favorite Ice Cream Flavor: “Vanilla.”

First Job: “Tennis.”

First Car: “‘Chevrolet convertible, black. ‘96, I have it in ‘99.”

 Greatest Sports Moment: “Now I think August 2004, champion of Olympics in singles and doubles. And also carried my countries flag at 2000 Olympics (when Marcelo Rios did not show up).”

 Most Painful Moment: “I think when we lost some important Davis Cup — Zimbabwe, India, Slovakia, Russia, Israel, Croatia. (Massu’s overall Davis Cup record is 29-17 including 17-4 on clay.)”

Funny Tennis Memory: “Just not in singles, when I play doubles I have a lot of good memories.”

Closest Tennis Friends: “Marcelo Rios and Fernando Gonzalez, some Argentine and some Spanish players.”

Funniest Players Encountered: “Fernando Vicente. He’s funny and a good person.”

Toughest Competitors: “Federer, Nadal, Hewitt, Agassi, Ferrero.”

Favorite Vacation Spot: “Cancun.”

Favorite Athletes To Watch: “I think Mike Tyson when he was young. Because I think he was a good competitor. And he was the best in the world. He had a lot of confidence.Michael Jordan. I read one time a book of him, I like it. My favorite soccer team is Everton from Vina del Mar. (Tennis?) I don’t have any one now. You don’t have idols when you play because you play against all these guys. I don’t have idols.”

People Qualities Most Admired: “Good, friendly people. Good person. And respect, you know?”

Tennis Week contributing writer Scoop Malinowski’s latest book Heavyweight Armageddon: The Tyson-Lewis Championship Battle was called “A smashing success,” by Hall of Famer Emanuel Steward, who called the book “one of the two best boxing books I’ve ever read.” Author Joyce Carol Oates, whose book “On Boxing” is regarded as a classic calls Scoop, “one of the hottest young journalists in pugilism.” He’s recently done Biofiles with Billie Jean King, Asafa Powell, and Olympic gold medalists Carolina Kluft, Oksana Baiul and Tirunesh Dibaba. Please visit his site www.thebiofile.com. Scoop is also a ham and egger tennis player, currently ranked No. 4 in the USTA Eastern 35s and holder of the Tennis Week singles title.